Tag: Empowerment

Ep 64- From The Periphery With Jody Whelan (A Real & Raw Conversation about the Gillette Commercial)

After the Gillette Commercial, I originally bought into this notion of Goodbye Toxic Masculinity Hello Divine Masculinity.

 

And a close friend jumped into my DM to share his perspectives on how this video really made him feel.

 

So this is a real, raw honest conversation and I am here for it.

 

Here are the books we mentioned in the episode.

The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet G. Lerner

Don’t Label Me: An incredible Conversation for Divided Times.by Irshad Manji

 

 

Come hang out with me in The Hive.

Ep 43~- Business, Embodiment, Breathwork & Reclamation of our Power with Sophie Kessner

In this episode we discussed all things Business, Embodiment and how to take our power back.

You can connect with Sophie most easily on IG @iamsophiekessner or find out more about her at: www.sophiekessner.com 

Flip the Emotion Switch

Last week I wrote about ANGER and how it can be used as a Positive, Empowering emotion, if used correctly.

Read that Blog HERE.

So today I want to show you how to Flip the Emotion Switch by giving it a new label.

Again to follow along, please make sure you read part 1 HERE.

We are all emotional beings who literally deal with our emotions less than 1% of the time.  I’m serious, we will complain about all the other ailments in our lives but when it comes to feeling the feels- it’s pretty clear that we are a society that doesn’t embrace those things…Side note, emotions are not always logical but they are always instructive. At times they may be conflicting and  I want to help you always feel in YOUR Power when it comes to your feels.

Awareness is key, so here’s a great exercise I want you to do.  It will be of utmost importance to do this activity with an open mind and to approach it with curiosity not with judgment.  Got it? Good.

First step: Grab a pen & paper.  I want you to write down all the emotions you have felt in the last week.

Next divide your paper into two columns.

I want you to take the emotions you would consider *negative* and batch them on one side of the column.

Do the same thing with the *positive* emotions.

Here’s an example of what my list of emotions were this past week.

Anger

Frustration

Sadness

Exhaustion 

Fear

Happy

Grateful

Rested

Calm

Silly

Now for Step two: Renaming that Emotion.

See there are certain words that we use to describe our emotions that set our physiological selves up into that exact feeling.  It’s true.  Before doing this exercise, I was unable to even say the word Frustrated without having a clenched jaw and tight pursed lips.  It’s like the minute I say the word frustrated my physiological self responds with F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-I-O-N. 

This theory has actually been proven.  Now the thing about this is that when we are in those high crisis times, we need to be able to think and not be so reactive to the thoughts we are feeling.  Let me explain this:   Say you are reading a newspaper article.  If you hold it at a certain distance, you can read & comprehend the words just find. However, take that newspaper and put it right up to your nose.  You may be able to read a few words, but you will not be able to properly comprehend anything  in that article.  Which could lead to confusions & big misunderstandings.  See what I’m saying here?!

So the goal for you is to rename ALL the emotions on your list (most people will feel the same emotions on a week to week basis, so choose the ones you experience the most frequent for now.  No more than 5 per *negative* and *positive* groupings at this point.

What I want you to do for the *negative* emotions, is to choose another label for that emotion that you have no physiological attachment to.  Basically for your *negative* emotions, I want you to choose a neutral.  Open up the dictionary, search online.  Grab the label that you find could be a good fit.

For example: I took Frustrated and changed it to disenchanted.

This word leaves me with no attachments to it whatsoever.  So even though I’m still feeling the emotion, I am in MY POWER and not the other way around.

For the *Positive* Emotions on your list, I want you to choose a label that makes you feel 10x more postive- So that when you state how you are feeling, you actually have that magnitude to influence others around you.

For example: I took Happy and changed it to Blissful.

Just saying that I’m feeling Blissful gets me all giddy.  Amirite?!

So to recap: You want to have those *negative* emotions vibrating at a lower frequency and the *positive* ones vibrating at a higher frequency.

Third Step: This is the most important one, after awareness of course. You need to keep this list. Save it on your screensaver, post it where you will see it daily.  Remind yourself of the Switch because in order to have Empowered Emotions you need to be actively practicing it.  Tell your loved ones about your new labels.  And when you use an old emotion, don’t stress about it.  Practice compassion and move on.  Be gentle with yourself in this part of the exercise.  Too often we are way too hard on ourselves and this only leads to unrealistic expectations in trying to attain perfection- which if you have been reading/following me for the past few years- you know that perfection is complete BS.

Mindset work is a lot of hard work, but it is so worth it.  Stay in your Power.

 

You are expansive enough  – do it with an Empowered Mindset!

XO

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Want more tips, tricks and strategies for getting after your Best Life? Join my crew HERE.    It’s totally FREE & We’d love to have you sit with us!

 

 

 

Why Anger Is A Useful Emotion and Ways To Help You Process It From An Empowered Approach

 

Life is not one big rainbow.  Yet there seems to be a huge misconception that in order to be *happy* in life, you shouldn’t be feeling any of the hard feels in life- especially ANGER.  Especially if you are a woman. 

Let’s be honest, there is a double standard when it comes to anger in men and women.   Women are often accused of being emotional wrecks, too sensitive and just plain cray cray. 

Yet here’s the thing.  Anger doesn’t have to be *bad*.   In fact, I believe we can use it to Empower Ourselves by learning how to harness that energy and do something positive to keep us in our Power.

The caveat is this: understand that we are responsible for our own thoughts, behaviours and actions.  We have no control over anyone else or other possible outcomes.

We are only responsible for how we choose to show up fully, in our own mind, body and life. 

So let me ask you, How do you want to show up in your world?

I want to show up and live the full experience. I want to learn how to embrace all the messy parts (not just the highlighted reels) of life.

Another point to mention is this, many times we get stuck on the *things* that are happening instead of paying attention to the emotions that we are *feeling*.

Listen, those emotions won’t just go away by themselves. Emotions are meant to move through us, not cling to us. We aren’t supposed to grab hold of them and use them like our new labels. Our new masks. Our new identities. 

Instead feel that ANGER. Give yourself a good few minutes to get really fucken mad

Then try this:

  1. Breathe. Take a long breath in and fill your stomach with air. Hold. Then slowly release.  It should look like this a 4 count in, 1 count hold, 4 count out. Do this as many times as you need to until you feel slightly calmer. 
  2. Stop talking. Yes that little chatter in your mind.  Or the real words that you’re rambling off about. Just stop it.  Return to Step 1 again. 
  3. Give it a new name.  This next step is super important.  I want you to use another label for the emotion you are feeling.  See our body has physiological attachments to the main emotions we feel– all we have to do is say the word and our body will put us in that  physiological state. For example: If you use the word *Furious* (I’m so furious!!!) then you are already in an emotional state to be there.  And the thing with being there is that you can actually stay stuck there for hours or even days. To stay in your Power, choose a neutral emotion to use to explain how you are feeling. So if the label you frequently use is furious, then how about using livid, fierce, or fuming and see how that Switch makes you feel the emotion yet still keeps you in your Power. 

I’ll write another Blog describing in more detail how to go about this next week.  Stay tuned.  But for now, know that you can be Empowered through your Emotions to be proactive and less reactive. 

Want more tips, tricks and strategies for getting after your Best Life? Join my crew HERE.  We’d love to have you sit with us! 

Xo

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Perception is your Power

Can we talk real serious for a second?

Sometimes life is really fucken hard right?

Back end story: Every January, I’m a big believer in choosing a WORD to set the intention for my year ahead.  In January 2017, I chose the word Grit.

The definition of Grit is:

courage and resolve; strength of character.

Last January, that was the word that chose me.

OH EM GEE!  This word worked it’s magic on me since the day I claimed it as My WORD. For. The. Year.

I remember sitting with a girlfriend, just letting her into the real life behind the scenes feels and she asked me: “Why don’t you just change it?”

 

And right then in that moment – I realized that I had been playing the Victim under the pretense of that word.

I thanked her and realized that in that moment, I would allow myself to feel the feels but to not let them become my identity.

Sure, I could have switched my word, but my mindset would have remained the same- it wasn’t the word that needed to be changed- it was my focus.

Right then and there, I realized that I can do hard things. We can all do hard things.  Because without the hard things where would our growth be?

 

I spent all of 2K17 a hot mess.  I actually feel like it was like a death in some way.  Because it brought so many different endings.

There was more tears than laughter- but the thing is that pain, although necessary doesn’t last.  Even if it feels like it will swallow you whole in the moment.

Forgive me, I can’t recall where I saw this analogy but I still want to share it with you- (I wish I could give credit to the author but I do not recall who I read this from- please forgive me)

P-Purposeful
A-Anticipated
I-Intermittent

N-Normal

The thing is that without pain there can be no transformation.  It has to be painful to change us.  And yes, I’ll be the first to admit that having things done “onto” us, sucks pretty bad.

But, I also believe that we are all in this life as teachers and students- simultaneously.  And here’s another thing: the minute we lower all expectations we hold on other people, we don’t get hurt.

The truth is the only control we  have is our Perception.  That is where our Power is.

The options in life are 1) to play small living the #VictimStatus card, clinging to the narratives that we are the only one who is struggling right now in life (Which is the absolute kiss of death btw) because clearly in a world full of people, we are not alone in our experiences.  Especially our experiences of pain.

2) Walk into our story and own the crap out of it.

And the more we talk about our pain, the more we normalize it.  The more we have the chance to feel with others.  The more we can cultivate empathy towards each other.

Listen, we have all been betrayed by someone whom we thought was our *friend*.

 We have all witnessed loss to some extent- whether that be job loss, loss of a dream/goal, relationship loss, loss of a loved one.

 

Hot topics such as infidelity, betrayal, loss and grieving suck.  Yes although stressful & icky, the way we choose to show up and own our role in all of it, keeps us fully in our power.

 

We have to realize that! We can’t give our power away so easily.  It is our responsibility to choose how we decide to show up in our life.  We have no other control besides that.

 

“Man is affected not by events, but by the views he takes of them.”

      ~Epictetus

 

It is up to us to look at old narratives to see if they are still serving us.  It is up to us to demand the respect, love and attention we desire by modelling it.

 

Understand that grieving looks different on everyone.  And that you are always worthy – there is no pre-requisite to that.

Brené Brown shares: “If you own the story then you get to write the ending.”

So walk into your story doll- own it. ALL of it.  Show up for the messy.  The truth is that many of us have chapters that we don’t read out loud- and that’s ok.

This year my Word is JOY.

 

“Happiness is a symptom of circumstances but JOY is he product of perspective.” ~ Steven Furtick

This word spoke to me because after all the growing pains from last year, I realized among many other things that – no matter what life throws at you- dammit girl- YOU gotta keep choosing YOU.

You’ve gotta keep picking yourself up.  And you gotta realize that your JOY is YOUR responsibility.

No. One. Else.

It’s about taking up all the space in your body to then take up all the space in your life- unapologetically.

And guaranteed doll, if you hang around me long enough – I’ll convince you to see your true Worth.  And then you can let it shine even brighter!

Come sit with us! Add your name and email HERE and let me know what your word for #2K18 is?

Know that whatever you are going through is actually there to help you- and that you have all the power you need inside you because you are a #LifeWarrior!

And if no one told you today, YOU MATTER! xo

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Xo